10/1/2025:
I'm 40 now. Still in a horrible fem body. It's getting worse rapidly. Leaving this Earth soon. Have never had the opportunity to transition medically. Much too late now. My entire life was not my own. I feel guilty somehow about that, even though I tried to assert myself when I could. Decades of torture and being forced to play a role while disassociating heavily. Life an utter failure in every aspect. School and career crushed by sexism. 8 years love affair has ended because he's out now as gay (this always happens). Noone has known me as I am in my heart, in my mind and dreams. Have known myself since I was 3. Have been mocked and shamed by family and peers because they also somehow know I'm a boy who was born deformed. Never stops shocking me to see myself in the mirror or experience anything related to being female. I am just so tired of it. Maybe if I get reincarnated I'll have the right body. Even being an insect with a lifespan of a week would have been better than this.