it was not until recently that i became certain my life was drawing toward its end. the pain has grown exponentially and there is still no help. no employment, no friend, no home. i have not been able to outrun the lion. i am hanging in its jaws. i feel guilty. i don't know how i could have tried harder. i should have been allowed to die when i was born. i should never have been born. no one wanted me to exist. my life has been a joke and now i understand. i wish someone had told me sooner. shame on you all for letting an idiot live.